Welcome to Cinch News, your favorite biased and convoluted news source. We are very happy you want to make an account with us. But before you go further, have you asked yourself why we are putting ourselves out there, laid out to bare for all the world to see?

We, journalists, are superior and better than the average person in every way. We are smarter, faster, stronger and better in bed. We are infallible. We are your future.