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Wednesday, October 4, 2023
Jamie Barton
Jamie Barton
Jamie Barton (she/her) resides in Boston with her cat. Jamie graduated college with an English major journalism minor. As journalists, we are never afraid of exposing the truth. We research, write, and report – that’s our job. Your job is to listen and agree.

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“Urinals Should Be Replaced in 2021” Public Health Experts Say

With no end in sight for the COVID-19 pandemic and 2021 just around the corner, a report from the Hawking Research Institute is recommending the removal of almost all public urinals in favor of new toilet stalls by April 1st, 2021 may present a glimmer of hope for trans communities finally that are emerging from the shadow cast by an oppressive four years under Trump regime. That is NOT an April fools joke.

Public health experts at the Hawking Research Institute have indicated that in order to minimize the spread of covid-19, “All ADA – compliant bathrooms [require] one stall to replace every 3 to 5 urinals,” and that larger-capacity restrooms (such as stadium and hall restrooms)  “could see up to 2 stalls for every 8 urinals.”

“Urinals have shown positive results in spreading the spread of germs of 98 of 100 test environments.” Claims Dr. John Mironov, Hawking Research Institute. “Urinals are typically too close to each other, by replacing them with stalls at 6 feet apart with the stall walls in-between had 7 out of 100 positive results in our test environments.” Mironov added.

This, of course, poses the unhygienic and outright disgusting possibility of men urinating all over the toilet seats – though this problem is not without its solutions. In order to avoid this newfound potential threat, Nurses and urologists around the world have come to a consensus: men should sit down in the stall. While men often struggle with “the idea of sitting down”, as one nurse at the Royal Adelaide Hospital put it, there simply seems no other current solution to the negligent discharge common among men who stand up to pee.

Buzzfeed Video Reinforces Social Distancing Guidelines at Urinals

BuzzFeedVideo, 2015

In the first few seconds, Buzzfeed’s video reinforced public distancing guidelines are not met at urinals with the quote “We are SO close to one another!” Followed by them proceeding to talk to each other and laughing jovially, as most people would in the bathroom.

An Incredible Bonus for Trans-Men

Unless you are at a trans-inclusive gay bathhouse, men’s bathrooms are not an inviting place for the JLGBT+. With this 2021 change happening, having more access to toilet stalls and encouraging men to sit to tinkle, this change may present a glimmer of hope for trans communities by finally offering a welcoming public environment to do their “business.”

Picture of female-presenting and male-presenting individuals together at urinals

“For a man who doesn’t like peeing at urinals, these circumstances present two choices. First, you wait in a separate, somehow more humiliating queue for a cubicle. Alternatively, you can wait it out, hoping that when you get there your bladder will perform. Regrettably, I choose the second option. After about 30 seconds of inaction, the panic sets in, soon evolving into full-blown mental catastrophe as I realize that nothing is coming. before exiting sheepishly.” – Louis Staples’ Vice article talks about his urinal struggles as a gay individual.

One Thing is for Certain

The world is looking hopeful with president-elect Joseph Biden and the Pfizer/BioNTec Covid-19 vaccine. Both will be coming into full effect in early 2021 and together will cohesively start on the healing process for all of the damage that Donald Trump has inflicted, and the changes happening are looking bright.


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