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Thursday, July 29, 2021

Our Infamous Discord Controversy Regarding “Germxn” and Why It’s a Battle Worth Fighting

Journalists are moral crusaders. Bravely we stare down the overt and hidden machinations of hatred and bigotry that plague our societies.

Throughout history, the architects of sexism and other wicked sorts of intolerances have orchestrated nations across the world to accommodate their tyrannical beliefs.

Need an example? Look no further than Germany, or as I like to appropriately rename: Germxny. A hateful nation all too fond of gendered terms. 

Sexist language has always been an issue that has been a blight to those who do not conform to the traditional bigoted standards.

Fortunately we live in a time of change. Brilliant minds work tirelessly to push new social acceptance (in ways that involve no force or violence, we are peaceful after all).

Revolutionary changes such as the universally accepted switch from Latina/Lantino to Latinx have made intense strides in helping JLGBT+ persyns feel at ease in western societies that actively target them like how a lion would prey upon an antelope. 

Well another bold change has just graced our cultures. No longer will we describe the language of Germxny as ‘German’. Oh no, the gendered language of old is dead, slain by the dashing swords of justice and righteousness.

‘Germxn’ is now the latest, progressive amendment on the scene, and everyone better get used to it. 

Social media has been set ablaze by the tremendous efforts of our staff members Spuds and Hana. It would be appreciated if you abstained from reading for a moment to give them a brief round of applause.

Warriors of justice such as themselves will be celebrated for their heroism in the new future. As expected, not everyone has been accepting of the new social norm.

Hordes of the usual malignants from the average alt-right basement dweller to Russian influencers have set their sights on harassing poor Spuds and Hana who are only trying their best to overthrow decadent hate speech.

If anything, we should be showering them with appreciation for their advocacy of the Germxn language. 

These monsters have done their best to weaponize any unfortunate soul against our brilliant work by incorporating slander, lies and deception.

Hana and Spuds are not insane, stupid, or mentally ill as our opponents claim. To even utter such a cruel thing is to prove that you are a fascist, whether you acknowledge that or not. So do your part, help Spuds and Hana preach the good word of Germxn. 

Hana, if you’re reading this, I’m free this weekend if you’d like to come over and write some articles. I’ve already sent you a couple of texts, the occasional email, and a letter but I’m yet to receive a response. 

Think of all the margerinalised, discriminated Germxn members of the JLGBTQ+ community who face slander and bigotry at each corner of life. The much needed change to speaking Germxn will no doubt make their lives just that bit more tolerable. However, more needs to be done.

Even now as I type this article, the hate agents who designed autocorrect have highlighted the word Germxn and demand that I ‘correct’ it. Cunning devils. I will not be swayed. I shall cry Germxn from the rooftops for I am a journalist, a light in the dark and a shepherd to the ignorant masses of sheep. 

We urge all good natured, caring, and generous folks to reconsider their use of gendered language and make the change to Germxn.

Germxny has been a force of evil for centuries (they did give rise to that evil guy with the toothbrush moustache whom I shall not name) so now is their chance at redemption. 

I am a journalist, I am truth. 

Neville Croft
Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender.

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Jason

GERMAN

Timmy

GERMAN

Ella

GERMAN

Raph

GERMAN

Hugh Mungus Penis

GERMAN

Jamie Barton

GERMAN

CinchNews

GERMAN

Jamie barton is STUPID

GERMAN

Nigga

GERMAN

Bruh

TAKE DOWN THIS SHIT WEBSITE

Bruh 2

KILL UR SELF

Bruh 3

CINCHNEWS IS FAKE NEWS

Bruh 4

GERMAN

Bruh 5

cant wait to see another dumb article written by these so called “journalists” who think their opinion on how the world works actually matters; get a real job you thin skinned, misandrist sluts

Villene Trofc

These are pure manners that any human person ought know. I will help you in the boycott.

GreenBirdMusic

I love how annoyed any Germans would be reading this that you insist on misspelling the name of their country…

GreenBirdMusic

also persyns? you mean persons or people, right?

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