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Thursday, July 29, 2021

Monogamous Relationships Are Unethical: A Response to Personality Girl and Countere Magazine

I just read an article in Countere Magazine that physically made my blood boil. The name of this filth: “Uncomfortable Slut: The Dark Side of Polyamory.” In this article, the author “The Personality Girl” tries to argue that polyamory is unnatural, uncomfortable, and unethical. She mocks primary partners, secondaries, and the special relationships that polyamorous people build.

From the jump the author fails to acknowledge her western-colonialist perspective. Polyamory, like many sustainable practices, originates in indigenous cultures. Monogamy in its current form was created by the white supremacist Catholic Church as a way to control the bodies of nonbinary and cis women. The very idea of monogamy originates in capitalistic world views concerning “ownership” of other people.

In indigenous societies—before the spread of white supremacist colonialism—many BIPOC were allowed to experience sexual joy with whomever they wanted. The tribe functioned as a chosen family that practiced collectivism, including in regards to sexual matters, though very little was done nonconsensually. Rabbits are seen as cute and innocent, yet have constant sex with different partners—so why do we see nonbinary and cis women any differently?

Polyamory doesn’t cause jealousy. Capitalistic and colonialist systems instill jealousy in infants, along with other world-views such as racism and sexism. We are literally bred to fight each other. However, when we are finally able to collectively adopt BIPOC-centered worldviews that prioritize sharing and honoring nature, as well as decolonizing our minds, we would find that when we don’t think of “owning” other people, we cease to feel emotions like jealousy.

After making a laughable attempt to discredit polyamory, the author makes a feeble case for monogamy by saying that “Every person can be perfect” in a “holy gaze.” This literally made me angrily spit out the coffee I was drinking. 

Please, girl. A “holy gaze” from who? An imaginary white-bearded man in the sky above a rock floating in space? By the way, lots of people are not perfect, no matter what imaginary gaze you subject them to. Lots and lots of people, especially today, are Nazis and fascists and while I’m not going to say they all deserve to die, I’d be pretty damn happy if they did. Does The Personality Girl and Countere Magazine believe that transphobic neo-Nazis are perfect in a “holy gaze?”

At the end of her article, this author makes an analogy to The Little Prince, and how he was stranded on a planet with one rose, why that’s special, because it was “his rose.” Sure, I guess that works if you’re trapped on a planet with a literal rose. But many of us are trapped in hellish relationships with our abusers, with parents who actively oppress and discriminate JLGBTQIA+ children, and it’s gaslighting to demand we just give our abuser a “holy gaze.” By the way, I would argue that having a garden is way more beautiful than having just one rose. But keep depriving yourselves of pleasure, Christians.

There’s no afterlife. This is why I’m an antinatalist. I didn’t choose to be born. Life is full of suffering from beginning to end. We’re literally birthed alone into pain and forced to work as a slave until we die alone and in pain. When it comes down to it, that’s what life is. Everything else is coping with that horrible fact. And one of the only good things we’ve inherited—the ability to orgasm—is policed by fascist authoritarians and patriarchal writers. So I encourage you to come as much and as hard as you want. Masturbation is a sign of resistance.

That this article would be published isn’t any surprise. When I look through the other pages of “Countere Magazine,” I see that they also endorse what sounds like a crypto-fascist (not to mention anti-science) movement known as “raw egg nationalism” and have interviewed known white male murderers such as John McAfee, as well as pieces that somehow seriously equate the heroic essential frontline workers of last year with weightlifters (seriously). It is no surprise to me that they would publish such patriarchal propaganda by The Personality Girl.

I hate these people. The author and people behind this magazine seem to be pretty young, so I beg them to retract this article as it’s honestly embarrassing—more so if the author wants to apply to a somewhat decent grad school or job one day. They’ve discredited themselves with such hateful articles and I wish them the worst.

Hannah Johnson
Hannah Johnson is a trans advocate, journalist, and social justice activist. She has been published in Spectrum Press, Resist!, and other magazines.

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