Putin declared a special military operation right after recognizing two provinces in Ukraine as independent – setting the stage for a poorly veiled invasion. This has already deteriorated into front line fighting and unknown casualties have piled up.
Truckers heading home from Canadian capital heard the call on their CB (citizens’ band) radio.
“It was Mary Ann – Boomer’s ol’ lady. She started holler’n about the Ruskies invading and Boomer needin’ ta get home to help defend the house,” said Dale “Buckshot” Hunt, a self employed long distance trucker, “So we all pulled over to the Waffle House to figure out what th’ hell is goin’ on. We didn’t want to head home if the Ruskies were already there, you know.”
Dale and about 40 other truckers then heard from the Waffle House waitresses about the grim truth – that Russia was attacking Ukraine.
“She was bein’ crazy, ain’t nobody invadin’ our home,” Duck “Boomer” Reynolds said to us as he arranged his overalls, “She started drinking wine early tonight and took too many pills, I don’t know what the hell is her problem.”
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On Thursday, Ukraine locked down major cities, rallied up reservists and told civilians to shelter in place. They even began handing out firearms to anyone willing and able to fight.
That’s when the Canadian trucker convoy decided their work wasn’t finished.
“Lockdowns do NOT work!” said Nick Bigsby, another truck hauler, “By the way, I heard Boomer’s wife took all the kids to their underground shelter then started shooting at Russian invaders… but it wasn’t Russians, it was the UPS guy she shot. I bet she’s back on the booze. This shit has happened before”
Over 400 trucks are estimated to rally on the Canada-US border and then make their way to Ukraine.
When asked about how they’re going to cross the ocean, they appeared confused about the question and became aggressive.
“She’s a good woman,” Boomer said as we were trying to leave the Waffle House, “She just loves wine and pills. Feel bad for the kids but, y’know that’s why I started drivin’ trucks, to get away from her episodes. My thing is… the kids can get a job if they want to get away, too. It ain’t hard. She needs to just stop taking those goddamn pills. But I ain’t tellin’ her that. I still got a dent in my head from last time…”
As Ukraine begins defensive operations, it is unclear how far Russia will go but one thing is for certain – as long as there are lockdowns, there will be truckers protesting.
