In Sandi’s latest article, she shared a major concern about the new Coronavirus relief bill that many of the staff here at Cinch News feel is one of the package’s biggest shortcomings – a lack of foreign aid and a tunnel-vision approach to domestic stimulus. With American citizens alone receiving around 200 times the amount of money supplied to foreign countries in the bill, and four times the United States’ annual relief budget, the inequity between the aid for Americans and what everyone else is getting is frankly staggering. That’s why we here at Cinch News made our own version of the bill – with the same 900 billion dollar budget. Here it is:

  • $500 million – Redistribute nuclear arms to impoverished countries; even the playing field
  • $5 billion – Gender equality (Middle East)
  • $5 billion – Gender equality (Asia)
  • $5 billion – Gender equality (Europe)
  • $2 billion – Destroy churches / other colonial influence in Africa; reinvigorate tribal cultures
  • $10 billion – General climate aid
  • $10 million – Introduce vegan diets to African animals
  • $300 million – Aid to the Shenzhou program – put a Chinese flag on the Moon
  • $50 billion – General aid (China)
  • $100 billion – General aid (Africa)
  • $100 billion – General aid (South America)
  • $15 billion – Transgender equality programs (Worldwide)
  • $5 billion – Border wall demolition
  • $25 billion – Socialism stimulus (Venezuela)
  • $25 billion – Establishment of International Reporting & Journalism Fund (IRJF)
  • $2.5 billion – International governmental programs to demolish gendered bathrooms and construct gender-neutral replacements
  • $10 billion – Plant-based meat alternatives research
  • $50 billion – International fund to replace industrial farms with locally-owned farmers markets & gardens
  • $150 billion – Stimulus to Americans who moved to Canada between November 10, 2016 and January 1, 2018
  • $200 billion – $1000 stimulus to every woman living in the middle east
  • $100 billion – $25000 stimulus to every transgender person in the world
  • $40 billion – Social media influencer “joy stimulus” package

That’s our rewrite, folks! Make sure to give us your thoughts in the comments below or on Twitter @CinchNewsdotcom, @SandiFireQueen, or @CinchNewsJamie!